The last couple of days have been funny ones for me in my Indie Author journey. I have been overwhelmed with self doubt — my book is terrible, everyone will hate it, I should have edited it more, I’ve wasted tonnes of money and time, I should have researched what I was doing more, etc.
You see, I self-published my book, Prophecy, nearly a month ago and now the doubts are creeping in. This is my first book, so I don’t have an audience yet. The launch has been slow and I’ve already make lots of mistakes. I feel like there are problems with the book and I’m going to be flooded with bad reviews. I’m worried that people will see through me and realize that I’m a talentless fraud. You know the thoughts, the ones that nag away at you.
But these doubts, I’m sure (hoping) they’re just a stage, but it’s a tough one. I thought I’d write about it because I know I’m not the only one in this boat and it might make someone feel less alone. Writing this novel has been quite an experience of ups and downs, endurance, and learning curves. I’ve also been on a personal emotional roller coaster, being diagnosed with a mental illness during the course of writing this novel. That certainly put a crimp in things, but in the end, I got back to my novel. Some days I could only open the computer and look at the file, other days, I could edit pages and pages. I look at it all as progress. And on the days I could do absolutely nothing, I told myself that’s what was needed, that I had to peculate as part of my process.
I am trying to alleviate my doubts these days with some better self talk, such as: I like my novel even if no one else ever does; I was compelled to write it and share it and hope that it may entertain someone as it has entertained me; whether it’s good or not, it is still an accomplishment; and I PUBLISHED A FUCKING BOOK!!!
It’s time I gave myself credit for what I did do rather than berate myself for what I didn’t do. Research is good, but I can get lost in research and I may never have actually taken the plunge to publish if I’d kept researching. I honestly like my story and parts of it give me tingles. I’ve invested in a dream and put myself out there, something many people tell me they want to do, but never get around to.
So, that’s where I’m at with my self-publishing story — I’ll keep you updated. I would love to hear from others about your creative endeavors and how you are pursuing them and what keeps you going.